There are some really strange data, particularly in the search terms with which people find my site.
I mean, sure, lots of people google, say,
etrade(6.73% of all visitors on Friday, which means that they really, REALLY shouldn't have screwed with me), and often people will just google
wil+shipley(3.85%) instead of remembering my non-mnemonic url (wilshipley.com).
But, how about the guy who was looking for
custom+pimp+puppets? My first thought was, why'd this link to my site? And then, "What's a pimp puppet? Is it just a puppet of a pimp? If so, why the hell does someone want one?" (Unless it's named Frank.) The really bizarre part is the person didn't find what he wanted, so he followed up by googling
custom+made+pimp+puppets. Vive la diffrence!
Now, I can see refining your search, but, why did he follow my link twice? I can just see some guy going through his list of possible hits on google and double-checking each one... "Did I already do wilshipley.com? I can't remember... OH GOB, WHY WON'T SOMEONE MAKE ME A CUSTOM PUPPET OF A PIMP?"
Stunningly, the #1 way people found my site in the last month was googling
kyle+orton+drunk. I don't even know who this is or why he's drinking, although I do support the notion of drinking in general. Also, google doesn't actually link to my site with this search any more, so I'm not sure why this was my #1 referrer, but 10% of ALL visitors have this as their search terms, and, hey, welcome to all of you new readers, although you might be a bit disappointed with my site since I've only got 1/3rd of what you're looking for here. But here's a toast to your buddy Kyle!
Seven people came to my site after googling
delicious+library+serial+number. Yah, because, uh, my blog is the #1 place to find haxxored codes FOR THE PROGRAM I WROTE! GET A JOB, YOU HIPPIES!
There are a lot of strange singleton google searches that I feel are like questions to me, personally. For instance, someone got to my site by asking
what+does+%22dress+for+dancing%22+mean? (I feel I've let you down, sir. If you come back, I'd wear slacks that are comfortable and a nice shirt with buttons. Unless you're a girl - always go with a dress. You know... "dress for dancing.")
And, as for Mr.
which+school+did+michael+faraday+go+to, I honestly have no idea. Wikipedia might... Ah, yes, here it is: he was self-educated; apprenticed to a book-binder for seven years, where he read many books. Man, there's a romantic past. I'm going to start telling people that when they ask me about my education. Screw the UW, that's LAM0RS!
sex+position+for+bad+knees? Ok, I got this one: ON YOUR BACK, GENIUS. Geez, did that honestly never occur to you? (Note: Wil Shipley is not a real doctor, and his medical advice should not be taken without first consulting your physician. Who will laugh at you. I mean, come on, just get off your knees if they hurt.)
what+do+you+call+the+guy+who+trades+options%3f? Options trader. Total gimme. Next?
write+like+a+pirate? Arrr, tis easy! 'Cept larnin' how ta' hold the pen in yarrr hook!
when+will+the+g5+have+an+intel+processor? Uh, I guess when you can buy an order of fries with a side of fries?
actual+pimp+lessons+and+tips+for+getting+a+bitch? No. First off, pimping ain't easy. Second, it's hard out there for a pimp. Third, you're an idiot. (Although, I can recommend a lovely puppet for you... no?)
Some people not clear on the concept of google:
me+creative+thinking+final+project. Hmm. Me assuming you not get good grade on that one.
using+wine+with+autodesk+inventor-- Oh, yah? Well I invented using wine with pimping code. Also, wine with programming, wine with playing Nintendo, and wine with breakfast. Oh, sweet wine.
And a personal note to Mr.
naked+woman+pirates-- I like the way you think! You've pretty much covered your basic food groups there, except for booze.
Speaking of booze, yet more on our friend kyle:
orton+drunk-- I hear he is, yes.
google+kyle+orton+drunk.+-- You don't have to type the word
kyle+orton+and+drunk-- kyle orton is be drunk, kyle orton a drinker be, kyle orton drinky-drank, yes, we get it.
kyle+orton+drunk+pics-- meh, you've seen one kyle orton drunk, you've pretty much seen 'em all.
kyle+orton+out+drunk-- I honestly can't believe anyone can out-drink this guy, considering how famous he is for it.
ray+orton+drunk-- No, no, it's kyle... K-Y-L-E.
A lot of people come to my site looking for info on Einstein, the talking-est parrot you ever did meet, and rightly so, because I am a one-stop shop for all your talking parrot needs. However, webcrawler (written by Brian Pinkerton, all-around awesome dude) has the most interesting link of all... if you search for images of
Sister+Brother+Jerk+off+Storyon webcrawler.com, the ONLY picture you'll find is from my blog -- it's Stephanie, the zookeeper from the Knoxville Zoo, with Einstein, the parrot that loves her, at TED 2006. Go ahead and follow that link, there's really nothing much going on. I mean, she's kind of making a kissy face, but they're both fully clothed. (Well, the parrot is fully... feathered.)
Now, I'd like to point out that Stephanie is NOT my sister, and she's happily married. And the parrot isn't related to me, either. And I never laid a hand on the zookeeper OR the parrot. Not that the parrot isn't attractive, but, you know... too bitey for my taste.
So how they HELL did this search term end up pointing to my site? Admittedly, my favorite joke in the whole world starts, "Did you hear about the guy who fucked a parrot?" but I don't think I've ever posted it here.
PS: He got a canarial disease: "chirpies". But don't worry, it's tweetable.