July 28, 2006

Snaps on Windows Vista: The OS of the Future

[The very, very distant future.]

• When Bill first announced he was retiring in two years, I was like, "Damn, you'd think he'd at least wait around until after Vista shipped."

• Microsoft just announced Vista will ship "when it's ready." What, now you're admitting you're never going to ship it?

• I just found out that the home edition of Vista will come bundled with Duke Nukem Forever.

• We're talking about an operating system update that is now six years late. Six years! If I had a girlfriend who was that late, I'd be playing video games with my kid right now. (But not, you know, under Vista.)

• Microsoft now has completely cornered the market on two types of products: "not shipping" and "not profitable." How do they make money? Volume!

• This subtitle cracks me up: "In wake of Vista, [Steve Ballmer] says Microsoft will never again wait 5 years to upgrade a major product." Uh, gee, ComputerWorld, have you ever seen a boat? Because, the wake comes AFTER the boat goes by. This boat is still in drydock.

• You've got to admire the temerity of a company that sells you an operating system that will brand you a pirate if you install too much third-party software or change video cards, and name this feature "Windows Genuine Advantage." I'm trying to imagine some little guy at Microsoft asking the marketing department, "Uh, hey, guys, people are switching to better, open operating systems. Seriously, all BS aside, what's our message? What's the genuine advantage for people running Windows?" And marketing is all, "That's it! That's what we'll call our obtrusive new system for making people's computers work even less reliably in order to make us more money! Genuine Advantage! Genius!" And the original guy is all, "Whaaa... what just happened?"

--

'For better and for worse, there's no other company that would be attempting to get into that business at this time... Nobody else has the optimism, nobody else has the financial resources, and you might say nobody else, you know -- well, let me just leave it at that.
-- Steve Ballmer, on the his new iPod look-a-like

Hmm, what's he talking about? I have some guesses... here's my list of other things nobody else has:

• The complete disconnect between their appetite for dominance and their ability to actually ship stuff.
• Billions upon billions of dollars with which to subsidize their new products because there's no way people would pay what it costs Microsoft to develop and manufacture them.
• The ability to invent new 'standards' on almost daily basis and get the press to bite. Everybody COM? DirectThis? Active Stuff? Anything .Net? Playsforsurenoseriouslyunlessyouownthemostcommonplayeronthemarket? Live Everything?

"There really is a Sony that lives inside of us."
-- Steve Ballmer, again

You want to invent new audio standards nobody uses and make iPod clones that nobody buys, too? You know, I think you're up to the challenge, Mr. B.

--

In other news, the first of a series of interpretive paintings I'm having done of the Delicious Monster is now up on the intertron. I randomly found Brian Pike's website and loved his stuff, so I commissioned a monster from him.

I'll be selling a series of posters of the monster done in different artists' styles later in the year, when I collect more of these. If you're an artist, or you know an artist, you (or he or she) can get in on some of this commission action. The basic terms are, "Do a painting, in your style, of the Delicious monster doing what you think Delicious monsters do." [Keep in mind that the monster is a shy vegetarian who lives in a jungle and tries to avoid getting eaten.] Just send me a sketch of an idea (and some of your other work) and if I like it, I'll commission a full work (should be approximately 1' x 2' or so) for $450.

In the end, I get the painting and the copyright for the painting (so I can sell reproductions), but you can use the reproductions in your portfolio. I'll consider other media types, as well, if you have something compelling. The simplest e-mail address for me is wjs at apple's mail server, which is mac to the dot com, my sizzle.

--

And finally, Delicious Monster is officially looking for an artist who can do icons, interface elements, and, hopefully, gorgeous 3D renderings of real objects. Send your sample work (including a piece of furniture if you can do 3D -- is this a hint of something to come?) to me if you're interested.

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23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check this guy out:

http://www.shag.com/

His artwork is pretty wicked.

July 28, 2006 4:49 PM

 
Blogger Paul Davidson said...

I nominate Mike Krahulik from Penny Arcade to do a monster.

July 29, 2006 12:18 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post, Wil!

Talking about monsters and artists, I don't think I even have to mention David Lanham?

July 29, 2006 12:18 AM

 
Anonymous sambeau said...

Here's a good place to look:

http://www.drawn.ca/

lots of wonderful artists in there

July 29, 2006 12:58 AM

 
Anonymous sambeau said...

Oh, and what abot one of these!

http://www.themonsterengine.com/art.html

July 29, 2006 1:02 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the funniest things about the impending "ZOON" disaster is the fact that "PlaysForSure" content won't work with it.

Really makes you want to run right out and jump on another MS bandwagon, doesn't it?

Say there MTV, Rhapsody, Creative, Dell, and of course, dozens and dozens of customers.. ;-)

When you crawled into bed with Microsoft, weren't you expecting to get it in the ass?

-jcr

July 29, 2006 5:25 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I said it somewhere else, but...

when you get into bed with an 800 pound gorilla, don't be surprised if it rolls over in the night and squashes you.

July 29, 2006 6:16 AM

 
Blogger Trevor Fancher said...

If you are going to edit a post it would be nice if you would mark the new sections so I don't have to reread the entire post 3 different times to get the new content out of it.

Other than that, great post(s). :)

July 29, 2006 1:03 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has someone started a "Not in Vista" list to chronical all the features that have been removed and a timeline of milestones missed?

July 29, 2006 2:22 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nobody else has the optimism, nobody else has the financial resources, and you might say nobody else, you know --

is stupid enough to want to lose money on this.

July 29, 2006 2:35 PM

 
Blogger fontti-intoilija said...

LOL@your late GF and kid. That was a great joke. Keep up the good work (and the blog :)

July 29, 2006 7:49 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are Delicious Monster t-shirts ever going to be available again?

July 30, 2006 7:12 AM

 
Anonymous JulesLt said...

Pete Fowler has a nice line in monsters already.

July 30, 2006 10:57 AM

 
Blogger vortech said...

Delicious Interior Designer!

July 30, 2006 7:46 PM

 
Blogger Marijke Buys said...

You should check this guy out. I have also e-mailed him telling him that you are looking for someone. Look at his icon section, it's great!

http://homepage.mac.com/heuvel/digitalrendezvous/

July 31, 2006 4:41 AM

 
Blogger Mike said...

I'm waiting for Steve Ballmer to collapse on stage after his next monkey dance.

July 31, 2006 7:15 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So will Vista ship before, or after, DL 2.0, Wil?

Get your own house in order, please.

August 02, 2006 1:27 PM

 
Blogger Wil Shipley said...

So will Vista ship before, or after, DL 2.0, Wil?

Get your own house in order, please.


Way to miss the point, genius! I haven't even _announced_ Delicious Library 2.0 yet. It's sure not six years late; in fact, this product line hasn't even existed for that long.

I STARTED the first Delicious Library FOUR years after Microsoft was supposed to ship Vista, and I still shipped before they did.

August 02, 2006 2:05 PM

 
Anonymous Northpaw said...

The link for "brand you a pirate if you install too much third-party software or change video cards" does not mention anything about third-party software or video cards. Perhaps you had another link in mind but forgot to add it.

August 03, 2006 12:03 PM

 
Anonymous Jin597 said...

These guys are incredibly talented artistically and have already posted a "monster" of sorts. :) I nominate them :)

August 03, 2006 10:49 PM

 
Anonymous Scott said...

LOL! just got done reading the Leopard-Vista digg pics... something told me to look on wilshipley for similar commentary..... bingo.

August 06, 2006 3:08 PM

 
Blogger Eptin said...

I second the vote for David Lanham. Not just as a monster artist, but as an Interface Designer in general.

Other candidates:
Mike Krahulik wouldn't be bad as a monster-artist.

Vincent van den Heuvel has quite nice designs as well.

August 09, 2006 9:45 PM

 
Blogger Derek said...

Check out www.ericjoyner.com.

He's got some amazing paintings of tin robots and donuts. Sounds strange, but they're really cool. Plus, I know he has done some commissioned work in the past for thesneeze.com.

August 11, 2006 12:17 PM

 

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