March 18, 2007

I ♥ spam.

William,"Wil."
I would like to introduce myself and our company to you."Our company?" Do you *also* have a frog in your pocket? Mine's name is Sir Jumpy!
We provide customized software systems to businesses like yours that allow you to control your brand more efficiently and disseminate your materials instantly.Businesses like mine? Exactly which businesses are like mine? Are there other monster-themed-independent-Mac-software-companies who are having trouble getting their brand in line and/or disseminating their materials? Also, why does that latter sound kind of naughty? Look, where and when I choose to disseminate is my business.
And can't I already disseminate materials instantly? I feel like I can. I've got this blog, I've got AdWords, I've got press releases going to major Mac sites... yup, seems like I'm rocking this "instant" thing.
Our system handles all mediums from print to broadcast and everything in between.I would assume that the word "from" in the phrase "from this to that" pretty much automatically connotes "everything in between." I mean, if someone asked you to recite the alphabet from a to z, you wouldn't say, "a, z" and be done, would you?
And how would I know if a particular medium is "in between" print and broadcasting, or is before print or after broadcasting, and thus is NOT included in your system. Would it have been so hard to just enumerate the media you handle? There really can't be that many. Plus, you've got the source code to your customized software, so you could, like, just copy and paste the list of media from the release notes or something.
By doing so, you will realize immediate savings that can free up even more money for your marketing efforts.I'm going to save money that I can then spend on the same activity? I have another idea -- why don't I start eating less so I can eat more?
And where exactly is this savings going to come from? Are you saying that I'm going to be able to fire my immense marketing department? "Look, guys, thanks for everything... I know it hasn't been easy for you... disseminating my materials, night and day... and you guys have tried, I know that. But there's this guy on the internet who says he can do it instantly. And, let's face it, I think we all know that recently our brand has been a little... well, out of control. I mean, c'mon, Bob, remember when you branded that sorority girl? Seriously, what were you thinking? You're lucky she was black-out drunk, or we would have been facing a hellacious lawsuit."
If you could spare 30 minutes, I would appreciate the opportunity to meet you and show you just how powerful our system is and how it can help your company in so many ways relating to marketing.If I could spare 30 minutes, I wouldn't own my own company. Seriously, I think you're going to have to be more specific on this custom software and what it does -- I mean, BESIDES dissemination and/or brand control, sure, I understand THAT perfectly.
I've not seen one person feel this is a waste of time yet,You can see feelings?
but rather literally be blown away with our system.Literally blown away? Really? You sure you're using "literally" correctly, here? Because, I've gotta be honest with you, this doesn't sound that inviting to me.
I look forward to hearing from you, thank you in advance for your time!Well, now you've heard, and you're welcome.

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