August 17, 2007

Ask Me About My Arch-nemesis!

I've decided it is time to get a new arch-nemesis. Sure, I have an old one, but, honestly, he's not really doing the job -- I picked him up in the heady '90s, and while initially he was very active, recently he's pretty much dropped out of sight. Frankly, this just makes me look bad.

I called up the The Guild of Calamitous Intent ("the recognized leader in organized havoc") and asked to be assigned a new nemesis, and after going through like a billion phone options ("...press 3 if you have forgotten the name of your nemesis...") I got to talk to some evil dude for like two hours before I could convince him that even though I technically had a nemesis he had gone inactive and I wanted a new one.

There are a bunch of boring forms, then you wait a while, and then, finally, you get a package in the mail. So, today, it finally arrived, and I'm pleased to announce that, in fact, the Guild has exceeded my hopes: I've been assigned Cabel Sasser!

The guild lists these qualifications for his arch-nemesis status:

  • Goes to the same events as I do, but gives better presentations than me,
  • Wins enough design awards to give me a run for my money,
  • Funnier blog,
  • Singing talent much more impressive than my nice shirts,
  • He has the exclusive license to sell katamari t-shirts in the U.S. I don't know if I'd like to sell them or not, but, you know, it'd be nice to have the option. Nobody even asked me.
  • Apparently *cough* as talented with the ladies *cough* if you get my drift. Like, in bed. If you can see where I'm going. Sex. (-Wink!-)

All-in-all, I couldn't have asked for a better choice! Hopefully Cabel's already received his welcome packet and is preparing nefarious deeds against me as I type this -- I know I am!

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10 Comments:

Anonymous Skyneedle said...

Hey Wil. I think you may have a point. I went over to the nemesis website and bought two Tshirts. I went over to the DM site and could not even find the T-shirts available for sale. ouch.

August 18, 2007 4:06 AM

 
Anonymous Daniel Jalkut said...

Hah! Nice touch in the side-bar.

August 18, 2007 7:37 AM

 
Anonymous Mark Stultz said...

Holy shit: I could not stop laughing when I saw Cabel's name.

August 18, 2007 11:17 PM

 
Anonymous e.d. said...

Just don't cross David Bowie.

August 19, 2007 6:05 PM

 
Blogger zo said...

Apparently *cough* as talented with the ladies *cough* if you get my drift. Like, in bed. If you can see where I'm going. Sex. (-Wink!-)

I'm not sure I get your meaning.

August 19, 2007 8:13 PM

 
Anonymous Andrew Becherer said...

Excellent to hear about your new arch-nemesis! I have also been considering petitioning the Guild for a new arch-nemesis. Mine is software engineer for Intel who plays several instruments, has a hot car and lives near me in North Tacoma. He has also dropped off the map.

I really enjoyed having an arch-nemesis in the neighborhood. I especially enjoyed never knowing when my arch-nemesis would appear. I couldn't even safely go to the grocery store without the potential of bodily harm or severe embarrassment. I'm willing to deal with a longer commute if the frequency of interaction increases.

August 19, 2007 10:02 PM

 
Blogger Wil Shipley said...

I went over to the DM site and could not even find the T-shirts available for sale.

MAYBE we'd sell T-shirts if flippin' Cabel hadn't taken all the good ones!

CABEL!!!!

August 20, 2007 4:28 PM

 
Anonymous Jeremy Wood said...

MAYBE we'd sell T-shirts if flippin' Cabel hadn't taken all the good ones!

CABEL!!!!


With that kind of attitude, I think you're vying for the evildoer side of this rivalry.

August 20, 2007 5:02 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wil,

Thanks for letting me know where those t-shirts with the spinning progress indicator symbol come from.

BTW, since you and your nemesis show up at the same events, does this mean that if I invite you to a party, I should expect Cabel as well?

-jcr

August 21, 2007 5:34 AM

 
Anonymous mj1531 said...

I'm surprised the guild didn't assign you The Monarch. I hear he's available now.

August 24, 2007 9:47 PM

 

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