Delicious Monster
Ask Me About My Arch-nemesis!
I've decided it is time to get a new arch-nemesis. Sure, I have an old one, but, honestly, he's not really doing the job -- I picked him up in the heady '90s, and while initially he was very active, recently he's pretty much dropped out of sight. Frankly, this just makes me look bad.I called up the The Guild of Calamitous Intent ("the recognized leader in organized havoc") and asked to be assigned a new nemesis, and after going through like a billion phone options ("...press 3 if you have forgotten the name of your nemesis...") I got to talk to some evil dude for like two hours before I could convince him that even though I technically had a nemesis he had gone inactive and I wanted a new one.
There are a bunch of boring forms, then you wait a while, and then, finally, you get a package in the mail. So, today, it finally arrived, and I'm pleased to announce that, in fact, the Guild has exceeded my hopes: I've been assigned Cabel Sasser!
The guild lists these qualifications for his arch-nemesis status:
- Goes to the same events as I do, but gives better presentations than me,
- Wins enough design awards to give me a run for my money,
- Funnier blog,
- Singing talent much more impressive than my nice shirts,
- He has the exclusive license to sell katamari t-shirts in the U.S. I don't know if I'd like to sell them or not, but, you know, it'd be nice to have the option. Nobody even asked me.
- Apparently *cough* as talented with the ladies *cough* if you get my drift. Like, in bed. If you can see where I'm going. Sex. (-Wink!-)
All-in-all, I couldn't have asked for a better choice! Hopefully Cabel's already received his welcome packet and is preparing nefarious deeds against me as I type this -- I know I am!
Labels: humor?, mac community
10 Comments:
Hey Wil. I think you may have a point. I went over to the nemesis website and bought two Tshirts. I went over to the DM site and could not even find the T-shirts available for sale. ouch.
August 18, 2007 4:06 AM
Hah! Nice touch in the side-bar.
August 18, 2007 7:37 AM
Holy shit: I could not stop laughing when I saw Cabel's name.
August 18, 2007 11:17 PM
Just don't cross David Bowie.
August 19, 2007 6:05 PM
Apparently *cough* as talented with the ladies *cough* if you get my drift. Like, in bed. If you can see where I'm going. Sex. (-Wink!-)
I'm not sure I get your meaning.
August 19, 2007 8:13 PM
Excellent to hear about your new arch-nemesis! I have also been considering petitioning the Guild for a new arch-nemesis. Mine is software engineer for Intel who plays several instruments, has a hot car and lives near me in North Tacoma. He has also dropped off the map.
I really enjoyed having an arch-nemesis in the neighborhood. I especially enjoyed never knowing when my arch-nemesis would appear. I couldn't even safely go to the grocery store without the potential of bodily harm or severe embarrassment. I'm willing to deal with a longer commute if the frequency of interaction increases.
August 19, 2007 10:02 PM
I went over to the DM site and could not even find the T-shirts available for sale.
MAYBE we'd sell T-shirts if flippin' Cabel hadn't taken all the good ones!
CABEL!!!!
August 20, 2007 4:28 PM
MAYBE we'd sell T-shirts if flippin' Cabel hadn't taken all the good ones!
CABEL!!!!
With that kind of attitude, I think you're vying for the evildoer side of this rivalry.
August 20, 2007 5:02 PM
Wil,
Thanks for letting me know where those t-shirts with the spinning progress indicator symbol come from.
BTW, since you and your nemesis show up at the same events, does this mean that if I invite you to a party, I should expect Cabel as well?
-jcr
August 21, 2007 5:34 AM
I'm surprised the guild didn't assign you The Monarch. I hear he's available now.
August 24, 2007 9:47 PM
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