November 18, 2007

Movie Sequels We Need

Who doesn't love sequels? Certainly no red-blooded American. But, sadly, some movies never get sequels. Why? And what can we do about it?

I think the only thing to do is for us to show truth to power, and point out these omissions. Maybe we can inspire some Hollywood hack who has lost his way. If even one sequel gets made that would have otherwise been an original idea, wouldn't it be worth it?

So, here's my list of sequels I need to see:
  • Independence Day 2: Oh Crap The Aliens Closed Their Firewall
  • I Also Robot, How You?
  • Lake Shmonsequence
  • The List Schindler Kept In His Other Pants
  • Fight Club 2: Helena Bonham-Carter Was Also Just in His Head
  • Vertigo 2: Carsick
  • American History XI
  • Three Kill a Mockingbird
  • Spider-Man 3: For Real This Time
  • Faster and Dumber or Dumb and Furious (mash-up)
  • Memento 2: More Super-Depressing Backward Stuff
  • A.I. 2: We Are Not Aliens We Are Super-Advanced Robots Read the Title Fucking Duh
  • The Treasure of the Sierra Madre 2: We Still Do Not Require Any Form of Identification
  • The Piano 2: More of That Guy's Penis
  • Triple Indemnity
  • The Santa Clause 3: Now You Have To, Let's Say... Jump Up and Down
  • Reservoir Puppies (prequel)
  • The Sting 2: We Swear There Is No Twist Ending LOL
  • Braveheart 2: It's Different When You Know He's Crazy
  • Blade Runner 2: Just Kidding It's Really Just Another Cut of Blade Runner
  • W for Wowiamangry
  • Shrek 2 Oh Wait There Was a Shrek 2
  • Shrek 3 Also, I Guess, I Did Not See It
  • It Happened Again on a Different Night
  • The Conversation 2: Not That Crappy Movie with Will Smith That Was a Pretend Sequel
  • Garfield 3: 2 in the Head, 1 in the Chest
  • North by Northwest 2: If You See the Dairy Queen You've Gone Too Far
  • The Oranges of Anger
  • The Lion King 2: If I'm Lion I'm Dyin'
  • Big Fish 2: Now MY Son has Grown Up and He Hates ME for Being a Big Liar
  • Dial L for Larceny (prequel)
  • Rosemary's Second Child Who Didn't Get as Many Photos Taken of Her
  • Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Actually We Just Explain the Previous Two Films
  • Taxi Driver 2: Crazy Taxi (in conjunction with Sega)
  • Serpents on a Submarine or Boas on a Boat or Rattlesnakes on a Railroad or Cottonmouths in a Car (pick only one)
  • Glad I Ate Him
  • Blazing Saddles 2: Chapped Asses
  • The Princess Bride 2: Hollywood is Full of Whores
  • Sex and the City: We Really Aren't Very Sexy Any More, To Be Honest
  • The Gun Just Below That Top One
  • M.A.S.H. 2: Apparently Some People Have Forgotten That War Is Bad
  • E.E.T.: An Extra Extra-Terrestrial
  • Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind: We're Boning Aliens
  • Deliverance 2: There's a Lot of Nerves Back There, It Can Feel Kind of Nice
  • A Streetcar Named Desire 2: A Lamppost Named Phyllis



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't quit your day job...

November 18, 2007 8:07 AM

Blogger Wil Shipley said...

Damn. I was planning on posting stuff for free on the internet as my new career. It's incredibly lucrative AND rewarding.

Thanks for saving me.

November 18, 2007 12:18 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another sequel we need: Delicious Library 2

November 18, 2007 1:45 PM

Blogger ericbrunstad said...


A while ago you said in a post that you would be posting some Leopard Code and related material when it came out. I am missing you pimp your code articles. Can we get the Leopard thing started?


November 18, 2007 5:48 PM

Blogger Wil Shipley said...

Yes -- I'm really glad you like the series.

The thing is, any given "pimp" article usually takes a day of my time, not, like, a half-hour. Right now I'm hip-deep in Delicious Library 2, and until we ship a beta I don't think I can spend that much time on a post. [As you can see (from other comments) a lot of people want Delicious Library 2 to be my only priority.]

I do have some neat things in the pipe. Thanks for bearing with me.


November 18, 2007 5:51 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friends and I like the idea of "Sharks on a Train".. If you can picture what the plot might be like, well then, congratulations.. you're pretty darned creative.

November 18, 2007 7:40 PM

Blogger Stephen Wrighton said...

Well, at least one of your desires can be met.

Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

November 18, 2007 9:38 PM

Anonymous Dave said...

Exactly the opposite:

November 19, 2007 11:02 AM

Blogger Andre said...

Wil, you forgot the sequel to 2 Fast 2 Furious and Tokyo Drift: 3 Fast 3 Furiouser: "Fast Forward"

November 20, 2007 4:51 AM

Anonymous Kim M. Bayne said...

It's Thanksgiving weekend. I'm bored and you're funny.

November 25, 2007 9:22 AM

Blogger Brian said...

My wife asked me why I was giggling. I shared the list with her. Her reaction? "He spent some time on that, didn't he?"

December 07, 2007 7:02 PM

Blogger Wil Shipley said...

About 35 minutes? Much easier than pimping code. Or writing it, for that matter.

December 07, 2007 7:05 PM


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